Ladies and gentlemen, grab your four clubs, clutch your putter, and brace yourselves for a riotous recap of our golf society’s Chairman’s Cup at Davenport Golf Club. Kindly sponsored by the ever-generous Colin Butler, this wasn’t just a day on the links—it was a comedy of errors, soggy socks, and some downright bizarre golfing moments. With a healthy dose of golfing humor and a few well-placed roasts, let’s dive right in.
Davenport Golf Club, a Cheshire gem, is a parkland beauty that tests your accuracy and your patience. Its tree-lined fairways, sneaky doglegs, and greens slicker than a politician’s promise make it a proper challenge and this time, the course was recovering from a biblical downpour the day before, turning buggies into a distant dream.
The Day: Four Clubs, One Putter, Endless Chaos
The Chairman’s Cup was a Four Clubs and a Putter event, a format that am not too keen on but let’s see. Limiting your bag to four clubs is like choosing which four foods you’d eat for life—frustrating, but it forces creativity (or despair).
The rain-soaked course complemented with stop start drizzle had us all channeling our inner Noah, but the show went on, and the society delivered a day of pure entertainment.
First, let’s talk about Bert, who rolled up dressed like he was scaling Everest, not playing golf. Hiking gear, Bert? Were you expecting to trek to the 19th hole? Meanwhile, our Fines Master was unpredictably late because he forgot his fines book, grabbed two barms and headed to the tee with hair looking like he’d been electrocuted.
The first tee was an absolute circus—think less Augusta, more Big Top. Bert stole the show, sporting what can only be described as his mum’s wig while doing a Joe Wilcox impression. At least he didn’t impersonate Joe’s sand wedge obsession and smashed his drive down the fairway.
The Golf: Hooks, Shanks, and a Wig-Wearing Legend
The golf itself was a glorious mess of ambition and mishaps. PJ made a triumphant return, his first drive a snap hook that miraculously avoided his usual “four right” routine—progress, PJ, progress!
Alan Corbishly took some heat for whining about the cold, only to silence the haters with a self-proclaimed “dick out” shot. To be fair, Alan, it went exactly where you aimed—straight into the highlight reel of questionable decisions.
Then there was Stu Shand, who redefined “short game” by clattering the 1st tee sign, sending his ball a grand total of three yards. His second shot? Didn’t even clear the ladies’ tee. Stu, mate, was your driver still in the car?
The day’s low point (or high point, depending on your sense of humor) came when No Doh shanked a shot into the trees, only for it to ricochet like a pinball and smack Stuart as he strolled up the fairway. Stuart, maybe walk faster next time—or invest in a helmet.
But it wasn’t all calamity. Oaker pulled off a miraculous two on a par 4, pocketing the Two’s pot and leaving us all torn between admiration and envy. Love you, Oaker, but we’re side-eyeing you for that one.
The Nearest the Pin went to Mike Oakes—because of course it did. The man’s got a GPS in his wedge.
The Visor award was technically Joe’s, but thanks to the twice rule, it was passed to Ron. Wear it with pride, Ron, and maybe lend Joes comb for that wig-inspired chaos.
The leaderboard told its own story:
Winner: Dave Mac – 37 points – A masterclass in four-club wizardry or luck! You choose.
Runner-Up: Mike (on countback) – So close, yet so far. Better luck next time buddy.
The Wrap-Up: A Day of Soggy Socks and Side-Splitting Stories
From a waterlogged course to Bert’s hiking gear and wig-wearing antics, the Chairman’s Cup was a day to remember—or forget, depending on your score. The four-club format tested our skills and our sanity, but the society’s spirit shone brighter than the post-rain sun. Davenport delivered a tough but fair challenge, and we delivered enough banter to fill a clubhouse.
Next up, we’ll be back for more fairway follies at Mellor on Sunday. It’s a match play format with the Ryder Cup up for grabs!
Will Bert trade his hiking boots for golf shoes? Will Stu clear the ladies’ tee? Will No Doh aim away from his playing partners? Only time will tell. Until then, keep your swings smooth, your shanks rare, and your wigs securely fastened. See you on the tee!