Nestled in the rolling hills of Derbyshire, Mellor & Townscliffe Golf Club stands out like a well-placed tee shot in a sea of mediocrity. What makes it truly unique? It’s one of the rare courses where buggies aren’t just an afterthought—they’re the stars of the show. Paved paths of lush astroturf snake all the way around the 18 holes, turning potential mud-fests into a smooth, carpet-like cruise. It’s like golfing on a giant putting green, minus the frustration of divots… unless you’re Ben Cryer, but more on that later.
Ryder Cup Rumble: USA vs. Europe at Mellor
Our intrepid golf society descended on Mellor for a Ryder Cup-style showdown, kindly sponsored by our fines master extraordinaire, Joe Wilcox—past Captain Chrystal must be beaming from the sidelines. The transatlantic battle pitted Team Europe against Team USA in a clash of clubs, egos, and questionable swing decisions.
Leading the charge for Europe was Captain Joe Wilcox, flanked by his merry band of misfits: Dave Mac (that’s me, your humble narrator), Mike Oakes, Alan Corbishly, and Bert Blower. After our Captains Weekend thrashing could Europe be the underdogs with a continental flair—think croissants and comebacks.
On the starry side, Team USA was captained by Steve, with Colin Butler, Ron Marshal, Stuart Shand, and Ben Cryer rounding out the squad. They came in hot, waving imaginary flags and probably humming “Sweet Home Alabama” under their breath.
The weather gods smiled upon us—reasonably dry, no biblical floods, and the competition rolled on without a hitch. Buggies were in full swing (pun intended), zipping along those astroturf highways like luxury golf carts on a velvet runway. Mellor’s paths are a godsend; elsewhere, you’d be bogged down in mud, but here? It’s pure, artificial bliss.
Clubhouse Shenanigans and Prankster Antics
Back in the clubhouse, the real action heated up. Steve, ever the prankster captain, couldn’t resist his signature move: sneaking up on Mike Oakes for a classic wet Willie. Mike’s reaction? Let’s just say it involved a yelp that could shatter glass and a vow of revenge involving golf balls and sensitive areas. Classic Steve—keeping the spirit alive, one soggy finger at a time.
Financial Windfall and Buggy Blunders
A massive bonus shoutout to our treasurer Len, who discovered winter rates were in play. Cha-ching! The society saved a tidy sum, proving Len’s not just good with spreadsheets—he’s a bargain-hunting ninja.
Anecdotes were slim pickings this outing (we must’ve been too focused on not losing balls), but one gem stands out: our favorite sub-mariner, Ben Cryer, proved he’s better suited to naval vessels than land-based buggies. Coming down the slick path on the 12th, Ben treated the hedge like a torpedo target—crash! The buggy nosedived into the greenery, leaving Ben looking like he’d just surfaced from a depth charge. Note to self: Stick to boats, mate.
The Results: Europe Triumphs (Barely)
In the end, Team Europe squeaked out a 3-2 victory over the Yanks. Take that, stars and stripes! No twos were claimed (slackers), but Nearest the Pin? Who else but Mike Oakes, the man with a magnet in his ball. Reminder to the rest of us: You gotta hit the green first, lads—airmail doesn’t count!
Best round of the day went to Colin Butler with a whopping 39 points. Will his handicap budge? Doubtful; the golf gods seem to have a soft spot for him. Hot on his heels was yours truly, Dave Mac, with 35 points—modest, but I’ll take it over a bunker baptism.
The infamous Visor (our society’s badge of buggy-related shame) lands on Ben this time. Crashed the cart into a hedge? Fair play, but let’s be honest—his buggy driving was smoother than his tee shots. Practice makes perfect… or at least hedge-free.
Season Finale Tease
That’s a wrap on Mellor, folks—a day of astroturf adventures, pranks, and just enough glory. Next up: the last hurrah of the season at Alsager. Warm coffee, sizzling bacon rolls, and who knows what chaos await. See you on the fairways—bring your A-game (and a helmet for the buggies)!