- Season’s Last Swing: The Committee Cup at Alsager Golf and Country Club
The last dance of the season arrived with the prestigious Committee Cup at Alsager Golf and Country Club, and it was a day packed with surprises, slip-ups, and dodgy swings. Now, let’s clarify—this was the Alsager with an actual golf course. Turns out, some of our members had made a pit stop at “Alsager Golf Club,” which sounds right but boasts one small flaw: there’s no golf course.
Our members tracked the weather like meteorologists, watching the skies in hopeful suspense. Sadly, Mother Nature wasn’t feeling cooperative. With rain through the week, Health & Safety put a kibosh on buggies—bad news for some of our more “well-seasoned” members. But despite the lack of wheels, spirits were high, and we had a fantastic turnout, including our newest members, Alex and Josh, ready to dive into the deep end of society golf.
The morning wasn’t without hiccups. Burt, who’s no stranger to odd excuses, strolled in late, claiming a herd of cows had obstructed his commute which he eventually overcame. Impressive dedication, but the fines master Alex wasn’t buying it and slapped Burt with an appropriate tax. Then we had Joe, who finally made it to the correct Alsager course, albeit looking as though the previous night had put him through his own version of “18 holes.”
The Game’s Afoot: Texas Scramble with a Side of Shenanigans
With the teams sorted via a good ol’ random number draw, members grouped up for a Texas Scramble—team-based chaos, for the uninitiated. Some members sported their “Mr. Captain Tribute” golf shirts from Herons Reach, a sentimental nod to our Captain’s final day in office. The look was stylish, spirited, and—let’s be honest—they looked as damn fantastic as last time!
Warm-up was interesting, putting greens, driving nets, pitching range and unusually an XplainR swing trainer hoop was available to members. Our resident bandit, eager to try the training aid, actually managed to take a divot on his first swing, proving that maybe, just maybe, a few sessions with the XplainR wouldn’t hurt.
On the course, we saw all kinds of action but it was noted that Mr. Corbishly, ever the competitor, was caught off-guard and shocked that someone almost hit him when a golf ball seemingly landed beside him out of nowhere. It turns out Stu had simply decided to “drop” a ball next to him.
Finale Fines and Turkey Trots
In his final duties as fines master, Alex ensured no one escaped unscathed. From Burt’s bovine delays to questionable fashion choices, fines were dished out generously. Alex handed over the title to Joe for next season ready for Joe’s to bring his own unique approach to the “fine art” of fines.
As tradition demanded, members showed up with presents for the Turkey Trot. The prize pool was a delightful grab bag of mystery gifts, with only the bottles giving any hint at their contents. Those brave enough to take the plunge walked away with everything from “mystery” socks to some holiday cheer in glass form.
And the Winners Are…
When the final scores were tallied, there was no denying who came out on top:
- Champions: Burt, Oakers, and PJ, cruising to victory with a whopping 47 points.
- Runners-up: Steve, Mr. Captain, and Alex V with a solid 42 points.
- Third Place: Dave Mac, Joe (eventually sober), and Josh with 39 points.
- Fourth Place: Alex, Alan, and Stu, also at 39 points.
- Fifth Place: Elliot, The Tree, and David B, close behind with 38 points.
As autumn settles in and our clubs retire to hibernation, we look back fondly on a season filled with unforgettable moments, legendary banter, and the undeniable camaraderie of our golf society. Planning for next season is already underway, and as we close the chapter on this year, we can’t wait to tee things off again in March.
Here’s to another year of (mostly) straight shots, and plenty more stories to tell! We’ll see you all at the AGM next year!
- The Past Captains Crystal at Woodside Golf Course: A Day to Remember (or Forget!)
Our latest golf society outing took us to Woodside Golf Course, nestled in the scenic shadow of the UK’s largest radio telescope, Jodrell Bank, a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Not only does this 9-hole parkland course offer the surreal backdrop of one of Britain’s great scientific marvels, but it also boasts a well-earned reputation for staying dry, even when the rest of the region is underwater. So, with that in mind, we set off for the Past Captains Crystal Event with optimism and rain jackets securely left in the car.
11 Players, 12 Golfers: Do the Math
We started the day with 11 players and by the time we finished, we somehow had 12. It’s like a magic trick gone slightly wrong and an extra player appeared. Did the radio telescope teleport an extra golfer from a distant galaxy or perhaps the society needs to provide training for the starter. Read on.
A Morning Full of Promise and Unexpected Obstacles
The morning began dry but brisk, with the kind of chill that wakes up your senses but makes you question if you should’ve added an extra layer. The sky was clearing up nicely though, hinting at a bright day ahead. However, Woodside wasn’t done surprising us. In a first for me (and most likely for everyone else), a horse casually wandered across the fairway! It seems Woodside offers not just challenging greens but the occasional wildlife hazard too. Now, we can all check “yield to horse” off our golf bucket lists.
The Mysterious Lone Golfer
Halfway through the round, we noticed a lone golfer gaining on us from behind. With our group, being a three-ball, we invited this wandering golfer to join us. His name was Alex, and it turned out we may have unintentionally recruited another bandit into the mix. Alex played almost too well, making us question whether he came for a friendly round or to give us all a masterclass.
The Resident Bandit’s Tale of Two Halves
Our society’s resident bandit started with guns blazing, bagging a birdie on the first hole, followed by three pars and four net pars. However, as is often the case in golf, all good things must come to a shanking end. While the back nine is the same course, it seemed to transform into a parallel universe of duffed chips and missed putts. We’ll just leave it at that—some things are better left unsaid.
An Adapted Format for a Missing Hole
Since the 18th hole was out of play, the format for the day was Stroke Play. That didn’t seem to faze our trusty Secretary, Ian Morris, who carded an impressive 69 to take the win. Joe Wilcox, finishing with the same score, just missed out on top honors on countback. It was a finish so tight, the horse on the fairway seemed like just a minor hiccup in the day’s mane event!
The Elusive 2nd Green
Ah, the 2nd hole! A great opportunity to shine with the “Nearest the Pin” challenge—or at least that was the theory. Most of us struggled so much that we had to call a mulligan and try again on a different hole on the back nine. For those of you wondering, the “Twos Pot” remains unclaimed and will roll over to the final event. So, there’s still a chance to claim a bit of glory (and cash) at the year’s end!
Wrapping Up in the Clubhouse
After the game, we all gathered in the clubhouse to swap war stories, compare egos, and toast to a day well spent. Alex, our unexpected 12th player, joined us for some post-game camaraderie, cementing his spot not just as an on-course bandit, but as a potential new member. That’s right—our mysterious twelfth player is likely joining us for the final event, and we’re genuinely looking forward to having him. He might be the key to bolstering our ranks (or at least increasing our odds of the society hitting a nearest the pin green!).
Until Next Time…
In the end, it was a brilliant mixture of competitiveness, camaraderie, and the kind of light-hearted frustration that only golf can provide. We had horses crossing fairways, mysterious golfers joining our ranks, and some classic back-nine meltdowns—pretty much everything you could hope for in a society golf outing.
With the “Twos Pot” still up for grabs and the final event looming, we’re already looking forward to the next challenge. Just remember to count your players before and after, and if you see a lone golfer lurking in the distance… invite them along. Who knows, you might just find your newest society bandit!
- Chilly Winds and Chilly Wins at Buxton and High Peak
Sunday last, the society made its way to the historic Buxton and High Peak Golf Course, a venue that dates back to 1887. This ancient course has undoubtedly seen its fair share of golfing ups and downs over the years, and today was no exception as 9 brave hackers took on the autumnal chill of the High Peaks. A big thanks goes to Alan Corbishley who sponsored the annual Chairman’s Cup competition.
A Cold Affair with Layered Golfers
After nervously tracking the weather all week, we were relieved to see the rain hold off, but the day certainly had a chill in the air. Players arrived prepared with extra layers and gloves, ready for a crisp day of golf. The cold winds sweeping across the fairways were a clear reminder that winter was just around the corner. The wind chill made things “interesting,” especially as we approached the 5th, where it was pointed out that it was the highest tee in Cheshire. If nothing else, it certainly felt that way with the breeze making things just a little more challenging.
A Surprise on the 14th
While Alex Baker is known for being one of the society’s longest hitters, there was a surprising twist on the 14th hole. One of our more senior members Len ‘Daily’ Potts stepped up and, in a moment of brilliance, out-drove Alex. It’s not often you see the big hitter humbled, but it was all taken in good humour and added a bit of excitement to the round.
A “Helping Hand” on the 17th
One of the lighter moments of the day occurred on the 17th hole when Steve found himself blocked out by the fairway marker. Ever the helpful playing partner, Stuart decided to relocate the marker. It was all very reminiscent of a lollipop man, minus the pop, of course. Stuart had endured a tough round by that point, and it seemed he was seriously considering swapping it out for his driver!
Steve’s (Unseen) Moment of Glory
Despite the challenges, Steve had his shining moment on the 13th hole where he reportedly made a superb chip-in to claim the day’s twos pot. The only problem? No one was actually around to witness it and we just had to take his word for it. To be honest though, his loud victorious roar, massive huge grin and leaping around the green seemed to confirm the story. In what would have been a ironic twist, Dave Mac nailed the green in regulation to within 4 feet, however he narrowly missed out on sharing the pot after a less-than-memorable missed two-putt, one that will likely haunt him for a while!
Given the modest turnout of 9 players, the twos pot wasn’t exactly overflowing. But Steve’s joy was quickly diminished when, after settling his fines and IOUs, he found himself with a grand total of… £1. Here Steve pictured beforehand. It was not quite the windfall he had hoped for, but it’s the principle that counts, right?
Nearest the Pin by Default and Competitive Finishes
Alex Baker took the nearest the pin prize on the day—by default! He was the only one to actually hit the green, proving that sometimes just showing up is half the battle. Meanwhile, Steve’s consistency didn’t stop there, as he secured the runner-up spot with 34 points, continuing his strong form.
But the day’s ultimate winner was Alex Baker himself, once again making a name for himself in the society by taking the top spot with an impressive 36 points. The man is becoming something of a trophy collector, and with performances like this it looks like there is another sure fire contender for Bandit.
Captain’s Delight and Final Thoughts
Special mention goes to Mr. Captain, who was thrilled to claim third place, edging out the resident bandit by a single point. His excitement was palpable, and rightly so—it’s always nice to sneak onto the podium when competition is tight.
There had been some criticism of the sandy greens but overall, Buxton and High Peak Golf Course held up well, even under the chilly conditions. Playing long today, it challenged everyone, but it’s easy to imagine how delightful this course must be in the warmth of summer. With sweeping views and a historic layout, it remains a favorite spot for the society, and we look forward to returning for another round, hopefully with a bit more sunshine and a little less wind!
- Alfie Noakes Ebeneezer Cup: A Wet and Wild Day at Davenport Golf Club
The prestigious Alfie Noakes Ebeneezer Cup, kindly sponsored by the ever-generous Boatman Ben Cryer, was held at Davenport Golf Club last weekend. Expectations were high, as the forecast had promised a sunny week leading up to the event. But in classic British fashion, Mother Nature had other plans. What began as a light drizzle quickly escalated into a torrential downpour, and by the time the first group teed off, it was clear that this would be a battle not only against fellow golfers but against the elements themselves.
The Downpour Begins
As the players arrived, the rain was already greeting them like an overly affectionate dog that refuses to leave you alone. 15 brave souls turned up, undeterred by the weather, hoping that maybe, just maybe, it would clear up. It did not. Even Steve decided his golf trolley wasn’t cut out for this Noah’s Ark rehearsal and swapped it for a potentially much dryer buggy. The optimism was still alive, though somewhat waterlogged.
By the time Hole 5 rolled around, most of us were soaked through and my group was starting to consider that the clubhouse, with its warm, dry confines and plentiful beverages, might be a far better destination than the next tee box. Even some of the Davenport members – who must be used to these conditions – were abandoning ship. But not Alfie Noakes members. Like men with nothing left to lose, we powered through the rain with the same dogged determination you’d expect from someone facing down a monsoon with nothing but an umbrella and a pitching wedge.
Wet Rules and Chipped Spirits
The rain was not only drenching bodies; it was soaking through to the very soul of the game. Take Mike Oakes, for instance. By all accounts, he would have happily called it a day somewhere around the 7th hole when the rain turned from “annoying” to “biblical.” But, unfortunately for him, the rules are the rules. He’d chipped in for a two early on, which meant he was on the hook to finish his round to claim the much-coveted twos pot. No one wants to give up a free pint, no matter how soggy it is.
And then there was Joe, whose trusty chipper met a tragic end. Now, I’m no expert, but using a chipper as a fairway wood was probably never part of the design specs. Somewhere between frustration and trying to channel Thor’s hammer, Joe managed to snap it. But his round wasn’t completely ruined—far from it. In fact, it only seemed to ignite something in him, as he marched on to take the day’s victory with an impressive 40 points, even though the only dry thing within miles of Davenport was probably his bag of extra tees.
The Unclaimed Pin
The rain did its best to mess with everyone’s accuracy, and it succeeded. With no one managing to claim Nearest the Pin, it’s safe to say that trying to hit the green with any precision was about as easy as trying to stay dry that day. It was more a matter of “nearest the general vicinity” than anything.
Victory Drenched in Rain
In the end, the soaked crowd gathered to tally scores and wring out their socks. As mentioned, Joe Wilcox clinched the deserved win with a steady round that saw him defy the wet conditions. His putter was so hot it practically evaporated the rain around it.
Runner-up honours went to our very own Mr. Captain, Colin Butler, who fought valiantly through the drizzle and beyond to post 35 points, proving that not even the weather could dampen his competitive spirit.
A Course Worth Replaying (Preferably Dry)
Despite the downpour, it’s worth mentioning that Davenport Golf Club held up admirably under the relentless deluge. The greens were soft but true, and while it’s hard to appreciate a course when you’re more focused on keeping your waterproofs intact, it’s easy to imagine how stunning it must be on a dry day. We look forward to coming back, ideally under clearer skies and without the need for snorkels.
In the end, the Alfie Noakes Ebeneezer Cup was less about golf and more about survival, and somehow, that made it more memorable. Cheers everyone!, here’s hoping for sunshine next time—though with our luck, we’ll probably be preparing for snow.
- Charlton-cum-Hardy: A Day of Rivalries, Twos, and Unexpected Twists
Sunday saw ANGS gathering for the much-anticipated Pairs Trophy at Charlton-cum-Hardy, a course that has seen countless rounds since its founding in 1905 and home of Youtubes Golfmates. Nestled just four miles from the bustling heart of Manchester, this historic club is a true oasis, offering players a tranquil escape. The serene surroundings, with mature trees and well-maintained greens, made it easy to forget how close we were to the city centre. The beauty and challenge of this classic course set the perfect stage for a perfect day of golf.
As the players arrived, there was no escaping the ever-vigilant fines secretary, who was armed with his little red book. Known for his meticulous record-keeping, Alex was ready to jot down fines the moment you walked through the door. The sight of that book was enough to make even the most seasoned members tread cautiously, injecting a mix of humour and friendly competition into the day’s atmosphere.
The competition was fierce from the start, particularly among a group of four who decided to up the stakes with their own mini-tournament. Alan, Steve, Dave B, and Alex were all fired up, each determined to outplay the others.
With the twos pot having rolled over several times, it had become an especially coveted prize. Enter Mike Oakes, full of confidence, who boldly announced he was going to claim the pot that day. Not stopping there, he upped the stakes by predicting not one, but two twos. His proclamation was met with a blend of amused chuckles and nervous glances from those listening. The question on everyone’s mind: would Mike actually deliver?
The ghost of Joe Wilcox’s infamous “dick out” from the Cavendish seemed to linger over the course, causing some unexpected mishaps. Mr. Captain, perhaps feeling the pressure, smashed his drive off the heel of his club, sending the ball careening sideways. Steve wasn’t spared either; he topped his drive, only to have it ricochet off the tee markers and somehow end up even further back than where he started behind the white tees. Doh!
It was clear that the ghost of Joe Wilcox was having a jolly good laugh at their expense just like the other members on the tee.
As the day wore on, the weather took a turn for the worse. The ominous flash of lightning and the distant rumble of thunder on the back nine had everyone wondering if they’d make it through the round dry and in one piece. Most of the players managed to finish before the heavens opened up, but the last group wasn’t so lucky. By the time they reached the 18th green, the rain had arrived with a vengeance. Putting became a hurried affair as the chubby rain fell and the deluge commenced, players dashed for cover beneath the ancient oaks, laughing at the absurdity of it all.
Back at the clubhouse, a Golfmates YouTube star was spotted, and Joe wasted no time working his magic on eBay Pete. Naturally, Pete couldn’t resist the chance for a selfie, seizing the moment like a rare online bargain.
Despite the weather and the challenges on the course, Mike Oakes proved true to his word, claiming the twos pot with an impressive £64. What’s more he actually fulfilled his promise and nailed two twos, one on the 4th and another on the 13th, much to the admiration of his peers. Joe Wilcox, not to be outdone, won nearest the pin on the 17th with a stunning pitch that landed within six feet of the hole.
When it came to the final results, the scores reflected the day’s mix of skill, luck, and a few unfortunate mishaps. In reverse order, the standings were as follows: Dave J & Ben (42), Joe & Len (66), Dave M & Ron (67), Mike & Col (72), Alex & Steve (74), and winners of the Pairs Trophy Alan & Dave B (76). But the star of the day was undoubtedly Alex, who carded an impressive 44 points, securing the overall top spot and a suitable contender for the bandit moniker.
Charlton-cum-Hardy proved to be a delightful challenge, rich in history and full of character. The varied terrain kept everyone on their toes, making for an engaging round that tested both skill and strategy. It’s a course we’ll undoubtedly return to, eager to take on its challenges once more. Until then, we’ll cherish the memories of a day filled with camaraderie, competition, and a bit of chaos, all set against the backdrop of one of Manchester’s finest old courses.
- A Windy Day at Cavendish: Autumn Handicap
This past weekend, the society gathered at the prestigious Cavendish Golf Club in Buxton for our Autumn Handicap event. A course with a rich history, Cavendish is the brainchild of Dr. Alister MacKenzie, who is renowned for his work on Augusta National, home of The Masters. Often hailed as the “Inspiration for Augusta,” Cavendish did not disappoint, offering us a challenging and picturesque backdrop for our competition.
The course in immaculate condition was complemented with cloudy blue skys although a gusty wind added an extra layer of difficulty. Several members, caught off guard by the chill, made a hasty retreat to the pro shop in search of additional layers. Despite the breeze, spirits remained high as we prepared to tackle this historic course.
A solid turnout of members assembled for the event, with everyone eager to test their skills on such a revered course. First on the tee was our sponsor for the day, Joe Wilcox, who had the honour of getting things started. With anticipation building, Joe took his swing—and promptly sent his drive a mere three yards, failing to clear the ladies’ tee. The silence that followed was quickly broken by laughter, and Joe, ever the good sport, took it in stride. Embracing the moment, and the ensuing ribbing, Joe obliged the traditional “dick out” challenge, dropping his trousers and marching across the tee triggering an even larger roar of laughter from all present. It was a fitting start to what would be a day filled with great golf and good-natured banter.
Joe wasn’t the only one struggling to get off the tee that day. Even our usually steady Captain had his troubles, producing what he himself declared the “worst drive ever.” His ball gently brushed from the tee and advanced a mere centimeter up the fairway. It was a humbling start for some of our more seasoned players, proving that even the best can have an off day.
The Captain Elect, Alex, had his own moment of misfortune on the course. After finally nailing a perfect shot down the fairway with his 6-iron, the ball mysteriously disappeared. One of the most frustrating moments in golf is losing a ball after a well-executed shot, and this was no exception. The group scoured the area to no avail, with frustration mounting. Just as hope was fading, Dave’s voice rang out from the buggy, “Is your ball a Titleist?” “Yes!” came Alex’s reply as his heart leapt with joy at the prospect of finding his ball. You could hear a chorus of angels singing as clouds parted and sunbeams filled the fairway. Finally some luck… only for Dave to add, “I’ll let you know if I find it!”. The laughter that followed was a much-needed remedy to the moment’s frustration.
As the day wore on, the course continued to challenge us all. On the 18th our resident Bandit ever the picture of mystery couldn’t help but crack a wry smile as Joe pressed him for his score. Dave Mac ultimately triumphed though, racking up 40 points to claim victory and a result that led to yet another cut in handicap. Joe Wilcox, despite his rocky start, rallied to finish as runner-up with a solid 36 points.
Nearest the pin honours went to Len Potts, who displayed excellent accuracy in a round where precision was often elusive. Did anyone else actually hit that green? Meanwhile, the infamous ANGs visor was suspiciously absent once again, leaving the matter unresolved with the visor committee.
All in all, it was a fantastic day out on a course steeped in history and tradition. Cavendish Golf Club lived up to its reputation, providing us with a challenging and thoroughly enjoyable experience. As we look forward to our next outing at Chorlton-Cum-Hardy for the Pairs Trophy, the memories of this weekend’s antics and triumphs will no doubt stay with us for a long time.